Why loving YOURSELF isn’t that easy!

Me at the beach…before the storm!

With the storm raging out my window, it seems fitting to write about self-love.


Doesn’t loving oneself bring about images of whiskers on kittens, cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudel?

Listen, I think it’s great that so many people are acknowledging the value of self-love this week (really, I do!). But, I have worked with enough clients to know that while a whole lot of you like yourself, might even be proud of yourself, and are generally happy, most of us do not consistently Unconditionally Love ourselves.

The evidence is overwhelming. Just look around. If we all absolutely, positively, totally and completely loved ourselves that world out there, it would look (and feel) very different (oh, and we would look and feel a lot different, too!).

It’s great to encourage people to love themselves but actually DOING it?

That’s another story.

The journey to unconditional self-love can a bit turbulent and unpredictable (just like the storm that is raging outside my window).

Why isn’t loving yourself simple? you might ask. It sounds easy enough. If I can love my dog, love the beach, and love chocolate cake, then can’t I just as easily love myself?


The desire to love yourself is necessary, but not sufficient.

You must have something else, first…


Forgiveness not just for others, but for yourself. This is a step most people skip, ignore, or gloss over.

How do you know if you have some forgiving to do?

Think about a past regret you may have had. When you think about it, do you FEEL any negative emotion, like shame, guilt, sadness or anger? Think about people who have done things “to you”; when you think about them right now do you feel any negative emotion? Do you? Well, if you do, then…

This post needs to end soon (I know you’re busy) so I won’t get into details here, but I CAN give you a very simple suggestion, that if you are willing to give it a try, will bring you results. I’m not promising you will fall madly in love with yourself overnight, but if you do this you will start to wake up and heal your heart and, with time, you may very well be the love of your life.

It’s called Ho’oponopono.

It is a powerful technique with incredible healing powers (google it and be amazed). I was introduced to it 8 years ago and at that time, mostly just played with it. Recently I am doing it more and more and love the results I see when my clients use it.

It is simple and it works.

You say to yourself (in your head or out loud):

  1. I am sorry (For what? You will know. Listen for the answer).
  2. Please forgive me (For what? You will know. Listen for the answer)
  3. I love you (Do your best to mean it)
  4. Thank you (Yep, you know the drill: For what? You will know. Listen for the answer)

No need to memorize the order–you will get results regardless. Say it over and over until you feel ready to stop. Sometimes I say it once; sometimes 100 times (or it seems like that–in truth I’m not counting and I don’t suggest you do either).

Here it is again:

  1. I am sorry

  2. Please forgive me

  3. I love you

  4. Thank you

Start this practice on YOU (meaning – you are telling yourself you are sorry, you are asking yourself for forgiveness, you are telling yourself you love you, and you are expressing gratitude to you for you). Sure you can do it at random times, but for me, whenever I feel any hint of anxiety or overwhelm creeping in, that is my signal to stop and do this quick routine. With clients struggling with certain things like addictions or health challenges, I suggest they do it every time they feel guilty or hopeless.

You can also use this when thinking of someone who causes you to feel any negative feeling. Super fun to play with while in the middle of a challenging situation (take, for example, an argument with your kid or partner) or while watching the evening news or reading certain Facebook posts. I find it works best in these situations if you actually say the phrases out loud. Yeah, you might get some looks, but who cares? When you love yourself, you don’t care when people look at you funny.

 it might seem far-fetched, but you are changing your reality.

Want to be part of a movement that is experimenting with this? Do it with me, let’s “get our love on” and watch things change. I mean REALLY CHANGE.




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